Ok in a few days I will restart my blog again. Making It what I wanted from the beginning. I have my new lens and my camera! Time to use them
I long slumber with faded memories.
seems like yesterday it was you and me.
Then you said it was over just like that. You had a hole between us. Yes I could understand the distance wasn’t fair. You in a place of sunny warmth and I’m stuck in this ice prison I’d like to think was my home..
I can’t say I’m quite over you. If anything sometimes I think how easy it would be for me to spill my guys out to you in a message. That I would do anything for you..and instantly feel anger enough to bash you for the honest truth you came too. I know at the end of the day you made the right decision for both you and me. If you didn’t like me anymore…then you had to say it…I’m not sure what went wrong..
Was I not exciting enough? Not so outspoken? Not enough of a man? Was I not tough enough? Did I nag or need? did I become so dramatic to push you away at times? Was I just a disappointment that you thought things would be different?
I suppose I did. I built up in my head that I was great for you…maybe I’m not any of those things you strive for or what I wanted to strive for..but I’m me..constantly changing..a fucked up mess who well probably seems anxious and annoying..lost and well whatever else someone who frankly dislikes me could state…
I’m me though. A person who changes everyday and I know I’m worth the time of someone crazy about me..I can strive to be so much more than a pool of dwelling thoughts..
I am worth the time and love of someone who cares and they are out there..I don’t mean to bash you or put hate. I wish you are happy but another part tells me..you will regret it one day.
I am not dead. I have not left or abandoned this blog. I have been taking a break from photography and working on writing which I will put on a separate blog. As for this blog it will be my photography blog but I will probably start new. I ordered a new lens! 50mm 1.4 sigma. I want to start completely fresh. The new year will be here soon and I think it is a cliche move that I should take to begin again.